When everything seems Right

“They ask. “How are you doing?” But what they mean is “Are you over it yet?” My lips say, “Fine, thanks”, but my eyes tell a different story, my heart sings a different tune, and my soul just weeps.” – healthyplace.com

Sometimes even when things seem right
Even when things are going according to plan
Even though everything is right where it’s supposed to be
Even when you are where you’re supposed to be

It feels wrong and weird
Like your perfect world is suddenly turned to a shade,
Darker than the darkest shade of gray
When you have the most wonderful conversations,
But they’re always tinted with a hint of sadness

You feel like you’re in a dark hole
Some place warm & safe,
But you can’t feel anything there
Not sadness, not happiness
It’s a place that sucks your soul dry,
Of everything good & everything bad
And you’re left with nothing

Waking up is a chore
Eating is a task
Others are better off away
Living seems unnecessary…

All you can see in this perfect world
Through tear glazed eyes
And a numb mind,
Is lost hope & dreams
The lost will to live
And all the imperfections in everything that is just right…

 

Running Away…

“Running, you should know, is a kind of stillness.” ― Tiphanie YaniqueHow to Escape from a Leper Colony

Sometimes I wonder what that would be like?
To run away, from everything good & bad,
To forget everything you’ve lived through so far,
Only to remember the new…

To move to a place unknown,
That teaches me to unlearn all that I know…
Where there is no one you recognize,
Or even want to know…
Where strangers are your only friends
And that’s the way it would always be…

What would it be like to live in a world,
Where no one knows you & no one cares to,
Where people smile at you because they’re obliged to,
Where speaking to a stranger is a waste of their time…

What would it be like,
To run away?
Never to return & never to look back?

What would it be like to run away,
To a place far away;
A place to forever roam,
Never to return to the place I once called ‘Home’…

Don’t be a Bystander…

“Stand up to ignorance, because if you don’t, the ignorant will run free to spread ignorance like a disease.” ― Suzy Kassem, Rise Up and Salute the Sun: The Writings of Suzy Kassem

Don’t be a Bystander
Stand up & fight for her…

Don’t tell her what to wear,
Eat,
Or Do…
Stand up for her instead…

Sometimes she’s tired
Of all the touches, glares & weird grins…
Fight for her,
When she can’t, for herself…

It doesn’t matter where she is,
In crowds or secluded places,
It isn’t her fault…

Actually, it’s never her fault…

Tell her she’s strong
When she’s not…
Tell her you’re with her
No matter what…

Tell her to hit & kick & shout & scream
When they use her body
To boost their ego,
prove their “manliness”,
and satisfy their so-called “needs”…

Tell her it isn’t her fault
Till she believes it,

And, you believe it yourself…

Learn what’s truly right & wrong
And Fight for her,
When she can’t, for herself

 

 

Am I Sick?

“I’ve been embraced by a new community. That’s what happens when you’re finally honest about who you are; you find others like you.” – Chaz Bono

I have a husband and a baby on the way
But I don’t understand why
I don’t love him anymore
(or if I ever did?)

There is a lady I know
Who feels the same way as I do
But I don’t understand why
She’s the one I want

They call it a sickness
And that I’m a sinner
It’s written in the Holy Books
And it’s Punishable in the eyes of the Law

Is there a cure
Of this crazy disease
That makes me love someone
Who is made like me

What can I do except try & forget
This feeling growing inside me…

Acceptance

“…When you stopped wishing things wouldn’t fall apart, you’d stop suffering when they did.” ― John Green

Once you accept everything in your control and all that isn’t, life suddenly seems like a ‘breeze’ to live.
It feels as though a weight is lifted off your shoulders. It’s easier to breathe, to love and to smile.

There was a question, always on my mind; “What if?”

What if I studied a bit more?
What if I feared a bit less?
What if I did something more useful?

What if? What if? What if?

I got tired of asking these questions to myself; day in & day out.
I got tired that my brain and my heart had to go through this whole round of hate, self- pity & regret to answer those questions.

I detested the fact that I put myself through all of this self-doubt & negativity. It was absolutely awful.
Imagine thinking about all of these negative situations, all throughout the day, when that’s what they’ll always be; negative situations. They may not even play out in real life!
What I did know,however, was that it was eating me alive; turning me into someone I couldn’t even recognize.

So now I accept. I accept myself as I am and the reasons that have led me to be where I am today. I accept that not everything is under my control & sometimes, I have to let go.

Like Mr. Henry Wadsworth Longfellow says “For, after all, the best thing one can do when it is raining is let it rain.”

I have slowly started to see life what it truly is; A Flawed Beauty; A wonder of its own, unique to it’s Maker.