Don’t Give Up

Your hardest times often lead to the greatest moments of your life. Keep going. Tough situations build strong people in the end.” ― Roy T. Bennett, The Light in the Heart

Some days are supposed to be perfect,
But they don’t turn out the way you thought they would…
Expectations aren’t met,
And everything that couldn’t possibly go wrong,
Go Wrong…

But what I want to tell you is;
Don’t give up,
Don’t stop working,
Don’t stop trying,
Don’t stop at all…

I know you’re giving it a 120%
But sometimes the results just don’t show,
Especially, when you want them to.

It takes time,
Good things always do…
All you need to do is focus,
And work hard-smart.

You go through shit,
Things you never knew could happen to you,
Come and push you further down…
Face it,
Beat it,
Fight it,
Even if there’s no end in sight.

No matter how much you’re hurting right now,
No matter how much worse it gets from here on out,
Don’t give up.

This is your dream,
There is no way out.
Stick to it,
Cry tears of pain and blood,
Burn and scream,
Feel the pain cut through you…

It may not seem like it now,
But you’re a step closer to the person,
You’re supposed to be…

Just don’t ever- Give up.

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Running Away…

“Running, you should know, is a kind of stillness.” ― Tiphanie YaniqueHow to Escape from a Leper Colony

Sometimes I wonder what that would be like?
To run away, from everything good & bad,
To forget everything you’ve lived through so far,
Only to remember the new…

To move to a place unknown,
That teaches me to unlearn all that I know…
Where there is no one you recognize,
Or even want to know…
Where strangers are your only friends
And that’s the way it would always be…

What would it be like to live in a world,
Where no one knows you & no one cares to,
Where people smile at you because they’re obliged to,
Where speaking to a stranger is a waste of their time…

What would it be like,
To run away?
Never to return & never to look back?

What would it be like to run away,
To a place far away;
A place to forever roam,
Never to return to the place I once called ‘Home’…

Acceptance

“…When you stopped wishing things wouldn’t fall apart, you’d stop suffering when they did.” ― John Green

Once you accept everything in your control and all that isn’t, life suddenly seems like a ‘breeze’ to live.
It feels as though a weight is lifted off your shoulders. It’s easier to breathe, to love and to smile.

There was a question, always on my mind; “What if?”

What if I studied a bit more?
What if I feared a bit less?
What if I did something more useful?

What if? What if? What if?

I got tired of asking these questions to myself; day in & day out.
I got tired that my brain and my heart had to go through this whole round of hate, self- pity & regret to answer those questions.

I detested the fact that I put myself through all of this self-doubt & negativity. It was absolutely awful.
Imagine thinking about all of these negative situations, all throughout the day, when that’s what they’ll always be; negative situations. They may not even play out in real life!
What I did know,however, was that it was eating me alive; turning me into someone I couldn’t even recognize.

So now I accept. I accept myself as I am and the reasons that have led me to be where I am today. I accept that not everything is under my control & sometimes, I have to let go.

Like Mr. Henry Wadsworth Longfellow says “For, after all, the best thing one can do when it is raining is let it rain.”

I have slowly started to see life what it truly is; A Flawed Beauty; A wonder of its own, unique to it’s Maker.

Rock bottom…

“And I know, knew for sure, with an absolute certainty, that this is rock bottom, this what the worst possible thing feels like. It is not some grand, wretched emotional breakdown. It is, in fact, so very mundane:…Rock Bottom is an inability to cope with the commonplace that is so extreme it makes even the grandest and loveliest things unbearable…Rock bottom is feeling that the only thing that matters in all of life is the one bad moment…Rock bottom is everything out of focus. It’s a failure of vision, a failure to see the world how it is, to see the good in what it is, and only to wonder why the hell things look the way they do and not—and not some other way.” ― Elizabeth Wurtzel

My eyes refuse to see the beautiful colours all around & my brain can’t register what I eat; Pizza, Chocolate, French Fries, Eggplant; it all tastes the same; Bland.

It’s been quite some time since I’ve ‘seen the light’.

It was easy to get adjusted to this darkness. It was the kind that hugged you tight & never let go. It gives that feeling of comfort, that makes you forget what you’ve really been born to do…

I’ve forgotten how to show expressions, I cry when I’m happy (or sad or angry or upset or bored).

I used to be quite strong but right now I don’t want to wake up in the morning or sleep at night. All I wish to do is Nothing. All my dreams & interests, all seem like a far-away thought, something like a forgotten friend…

Every time I have a reason to smile a little, something insignificant comes up & I spiral downwards once again…

I know I’ve hit rock bottom.

I’ve heard it all before, that things will get better, that there’s no way around but Up but I feel that I’m just digging around me and scurrying further into the dark hole.

I have started to slowly dig around, to find the light to guide me to where I’m supposed to go but as for this moment, I’ll stay here, safe & sound.

Not-so-cute Letter from a Married girl to her mother…

“You can have a pet zebra and put that zebra into a small cage every day and tell the zebra that you love it, but no matter how you and the zebra love each other, the fact remains, that the zebra should be let out of that cage and should belong to someone who can treat it better, the way it should be treated, someone who can make it happy.” C. JoyBell C.

Dear Ma,

I just read this message sent by some wife of my husband’s friend on Whatsapp & I couldn’t help it, but I threw my phone on the tiled floor below. I chose these tiles, you know, because according to him, that’s a woman’s job and now he hates them.

Cute Letter from a newly married girl to her mother

Dear mom,

Like every normal girl, I was excited about marriage right from my childhood days. I never thought beyond the time that I would spend happily with my prince charming. 

 But today when I am married, I realize that marriage is not all roses. It’s not just about being with your beloved and having a gala time. There is so much more to it. It comes with its own share of responsibilities, duties, sacrifices and compromises. 

I can’t wake up anytime I want to.
I am expected to be up and ready before everyone else in the family.
I can’t laze around in my pyjamas throughout the day.
I am expected to be presentable every time.
I can’t just go out anytime I want to.
I am expected to be sensitive to the needs of the family.
I just can’t hit the bed anytime I want to.
I am expected to be active and around the family.
I can’t expect to be treated like a princess but am supposed to take care of everyone else in the family. 

 And then I think to myself, ‘why did I get married at all?’ I was happier with you, mom. Sometimes I think of coming back to you and getting pampered again. 

I want to come home to my favorite food cooked by you every evening after a nice outing with friends. I want to sleep on your lap like I have no worry in this world. But then I suddenly realize, had you not got married and made such sacrifices in your life, I wouldn’t have had so many wonderful memories to hang on to. And suddenly, the purpose of all this becomes clear- to return the same comfort, peace and happiness to my new family that I got from you.

And I am sure that as time would pass, I would start loving this life equally as you do. Thank you mom for all the sacrifices and compromises you made. They give me the strength to do the same. Love you.

It’s an excellent article for all daughters…

Ma, you told me all of these things too. You always used to tell me that if I don’t learn now, I would suffer later.

Why ma, why didn’t you ever show me what’s it like to love & be loved? Why have you always told me to be a good girl rather than living a life where I could take my own decisions & make my own mistakes? Why did you show me a world where life has nothing but endless chores after endless chores & slaving for a man who doesn’t respect me for who I am but just buys me a nice saree when we have to go to a party?

Why did you tell me that the only way to man’s heart is his stomach? Why didn’t you tell me they don’t love you even if you make the most amazing meal & they still crave for their mom’s Biryani?

Why didn’t you tell me that marriage is a contract where I’m a maid & he’s the king? I sleep with him when he orders me to, but I feel like a whore. I don’t know what it’s like to be loved, to feel those butterflies in my stomach & tingles on my skin.

And then he jokes with his colleagues & friends that I watch daily soaps all day, when he doesn’t realize that sub-consciously I’m trying to live through the protagonist on screen. I see how special her husband makes her feel & the way he stands up for her & I live my dream in those twenty minutes.

I crave for long drives & sweet nothings, dressing up, small vacations & a break from these endless chores, being treated like a princess at least on my Birthday, a cup of tea that was not made by me but most of all I crave to go back to work & proving to myself that I still mean something, that I’m worth something.

Right now, no matter what I do, I’m just not good enough.

Why ma, why didn’t you show me there is a world beyond this where women find that special someone who loves them & treat them like a partner? Did our caste status matter more than my happiness? Why didn’t you show me there is a world where women & men can be best friends? Why didn’t you show me the other side where I could be independent & demand the same rights when I got married?

I’m 28 & pregnant now with a child who doesn’t know what the world has in store for him/her. But I promise one thing, I will show them the other side, the side where they can live vicariously & not submit to anyone.

I can see a world where humans are treated as equals regardless of what they wear or look like & no one is restricted from following the path they were supposed to.

Love,
Your Only Daughter(ex-burden).