When everything seems Right

“They ask. “How are you doing?” But what they mean is “Are you over it yet?” My lips say, “Fine, thanks”, but my eyes tell a different story, my heart sings a different tune, and my soul just weeps.” – healthyplace.com

Sometimes even when things seem right
Even when things are going according to plan
Even though everything is right where it’s supposed to be
Even when you are where you’re supposed to be

It feels wrong and weird
Like your perfect world is suddenly turned to a shade,
Darker than the darkest shade of gray
When you have the most wonderful conversations,
But they’re always tinted with a hint of sadness

You feel like you’re in a dark hole
Some place warm & safe,
But you can’t feel anything there
Not sadness, not happiness
It’s a place that sucks your soul dry,
Of everything good & everything bad
And you’re left with nothing

Waking up is a chore
Eating is a task
Others are better off away
Living seems unnecessary…

All you can see in this perfect world
Through tear glazed eyes
And a numb mind,
Is lost hope & dreams
The lost will to live
And all the imperfections in everything that is just right…

 

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Suicide

“Did you really want to die?”
“No one commits suicide because they want to die.”
“Then why do they do it?”
“Because they want to stop the pain.” ― Tiffanie DeBartolo, How to Kill a Rock Star

There are so many articles, movies, TV shows, Cartoons, experts, doctors and so many people who talk about what Suicide is.
They say how unnatural & selfish the person who commits suicide is, they say that they should’ve just asked for help, they say they don’t think of anyone else but themselves, they say they’re just stupid or that they just wanted attention.

I’m just another person to tell you what it really is. What you really feel at that moment you want to just die.

I can tell you that, it’s not like that moment when you say I’ve had such a bad day, I want to die. No, it isn’t that moment when your grades are low that one exam & you want to just die. It isn’t when your bills came out so high that month, you want to die.

No, that isn’t what it is.

It’s days, weeks & months of pain,
Pain that takes you to point when you can’t feel anything
It’s pain that drags you to a corner
And makes you hate everything and feel nothing
It repeats the bad stuff over & over & over

It’s when you push the good stuff away
It’s when you know you’re a burden
When the smallest of mistakes make you feel like a loser

It’s the constant pain
Just & only pain

It’s days of being underwater with no way out
It’s days of hating yourself
It’s days of breathing with your ‘heart under attack’
It’s days of your brain telling you to quit
It’s days of people telling you to go away
It’s days of bullying
It’s days of being called a ‘loser’
It’s days of crying & suffering

It’s days of no one smiling at you
It’s days of no one asking you “How are you?”
It’s days of no one caring for you
It’s days & days of torture within the core of your very being

It’s days of knowing it won’t matter if you’re alive anyway

So, it’s better off, being dead instead.