“And I know, knew for sure, with an absolute certainty, that this is rock bottom, this what the worst possible thing feels like. It is not some grand, wretched emotional breakdown. It is, in fact, so very mundane:…Rock Bottom is an inability to cope with the commonplace that is so extreme it makes even the grandest and loveliest things unbearable…Rock bottom is feeling that the only thing that matters in all of life is the one bad moment…Rock bottom is everything out of focus. It’s a failure of vision, a failure to see the world how it is, to see the good in what it is, and only to wonder why the hell things look the way they do and not—and not some other way.” ― Elizabeth Wurtzel
My eyes refuse to see the beautiful colours all around & my brain can’t register what I eat; Pizza, Chocolate, French Fries, Eggplant; it all tastes the same; Bland.
It’s been quite some time since I’ve ‘seen the light’.
It was easy to get adjusted to this darkness. It was the kind that hugged you tight & never let go. It gives that feeling of comfort, that makes you forget what you’ve really been born to do…
I’ve forgotten how to show expressions, I cry when I’m happy (or sad or angry or upset or bored).
I used to be quite strong but right now I don’t want to wake up in the morning or sleep at night. All I wish to do is Nothing. All my dreams & interests, all seem like a far-away thought, something like a forgotten friend…
Every time I have a reason to smile a little, something insignificant comes up & I spiral downwards once again…
I know I’ve hit rock bottom.
I’ve heard it all before, that things will get better, that there’s no way around but Up but I feel that I’m just digging around me and scurrying further into the dark hole.
I have started to slowly dig around, to find the light to guide me to where I’m supposed to go but as for this moment, I’ll stay here, safe & sound.