“Without you in my arms, I feel an emptiness in my soul. I find myself searching the crowds for your face – I know it’s an impossibility, but I cannot help myself.” ― Nicholas Sparks, Message in a Bottle
I am not so sure why, but I thought of typing this to you. As you know, I am our grandkids’ “Modern” grand-dad. I use the Laptop I bought online, share our pictures & statuses on Facebook & have even joined Twitter. I haven’t started using it yet but I have followed our grand-daughter. Still not sure why would one want to follow another though.
It still pains me that before we got around celebrating our 50th wedding anniversary, you left me a year & 7 months ago, today. It was on this day I felt as though a huge chunk of my soul (& even my weight) had left me too.
We were supposed to leave this planet together. Why did you get so worried that death would separate us & that you would be left all alone? That would never have happened. But it’s alright; I am at peace knowing that you are at a much better place now.
You should know however, when I see the stars & the sun, I can still feel your presence around. I can feel that unconditional love you shared with everyone in the many countries we lived in. You always found it so easy to make friends. I should’ve learnt that skill while you were here but then again, I never realized that a day would come when I would need it.
Nowadays I stay by myself mostly. I had visited our beautiful & lovely daughter, son-in-law & grand-daughter last year. Our grand-daughter made a video with pictures of us – through the years. It was just wonderful. I couldn’t hold back my tears that night.
I guess you watched it too…
Our grand-daughter, nephews etc come over from time to time & stay with me for a while. It’s a welcome disturbance. I have also got a Visa to visit the USA, one of the places we were to visit together. I will go there someday before my body fails me.
Living alone can feel quite lonely & hurts too. Sometimes when I need a hug real bad, I just look around & see a huge empty house. Currently I have settled for these virtual hugs & kisses I receive almost on a daily basis via Text Messages. Even these virtual hugs & emails, fill my heart with warmth & I don’t feel so lonely then.
By the way, you should also know that I am taking good care of myself. I have somehow adjusted to the food made by this wonderful lady who also takes real good care of our home, which feels more like a house now.
You always stuck by me through the boring, the worst & the best times of our life together. You didn’t have to do all that you did for me, but you still did. This strength & love you had & shared has forever amazed me.
I have started to accept that you aren’t around & it gives me great pleasure knowing that with each passing day, I am a step closer to you. If I mention this to our children, they would just ask me to stop saying things like that but it’s a truth that I am living with now.
I miss you every minute of every day & you are always on my mind in every task I perform. All I wish for now is that you have attained peace & that you are waiting for me to start a new phase of our life together as death is only the beginning…
Love you always…