When the Void becomes your best friend

“Being vulnerable maybe the scariest thing in the world but it also is the best!” – Me (Yeah, I try to quote at times).

This Void is that feeling of emptiness one gets after a major soul-crushing experience.

You feel that having this Void as a close friend is a good thing because you’re “safe”. You don’t want to share your feelings, joys & problems with anyone, not even your closest friends. Your past has affected you in such a way that your body, brain & heart try to protect you from that ever happening again.

They don’t want you to experience that pain again & the only way that’s going to happen is if you stay as you are, in your comfort zone. You don’t want to be in that state again where you open up to someone because you fear that they can stomp on your heart & give it back to you completely damaged. Basically, you don’t ever want to be vulnerable again.

You fear that uncertainty.

You fear from feeling anything; even happiness, because you feel that it would all end anyway or that if you feel too happy then something would happen & take it all away from you again.

For instance, you meet a girl who is nice & pretty & you two hit it off & you think you could probably date her, but almost immediately your brain & heart would stop you by making weird excuses like she would never go with someone like you or that she’s probably going to get married to someone better anyway or something similar.

Sometimes you want to share something very personal of yours with someone but you stop yourself from doing so.

But I can tell you, as an ex-best friend of this Void that this is the worst possible thing to do to yourself. One of the best decisions I made was to come out of that comfort zone & to take the risk of sharing my doubts, joy & sorrows with the ones closest to me.

It was quite hard at first as I was aware that I was giving away a part of me that could be ridiculed or I would be judged for who I am but as I began sharing, I started to get more emotionally resilient.

The one way you can start to get out of the zone is by experiencing those emotions that make you feel terrible. Feel it as much as you can, feel till it hurts because after you feel it fully you can finally separate yourself from it & make yourself experience new feelings & emotions with your closest friends & someone new.

This passage from Tuesdays with Morrie by Mitch Albom best describes it.

“Take any emotion—love for a woman, or grief for a loved one, or what I’m going through, fear and pain from a deadly illness. If you hold back on the emotions—if you don’t allow yourself to go all the way through them—you can never get to being detached, you’re too busy being afraid. You’re afraid of the pain, you’re afraid of the grief. You’re afraid of the vulnerability that loving entails. “But by throwing yourself into these emotions, by allowing yourself to dive in, all the way, over your head even, you experience them fully and completely. You know what pain is. You know what love is. You know what grief is. And only then can you say, ‘All right. I have experienced that emotion. I recognize that emotion. Now I need to detach from that emotion for a moment’.”

I know everything is easier said than done & writing all of this is very easy but it actually takes a lot of time & effort to actually go do it. It takes effort because you need to console your brain & heart that it will be Ok. If you could go through that terrible experience & come out alive, then you can handle anything that comes your way.

You just need to start getting in touch with & loving yourself so that you can find the power to be vulnerable again.

It is in this vulnerability that you’ll find strength to fight anything that comes your way & love in a way that you never knew you could.

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