If I ever see you again…

“And now we’re apart and you’re just some stranger who knows all my secrets and all my family members and all my quirks and flaws and it doesn’t make sense.” Gaby Dunn

Graduating from college can be extremely thrilling & at the same time extremely nerve-wracking. You are suddenly pushed off the cliff of a comfortable environment to one that is frighteningly unfamiliar. It was at this time, I met you. Amid hundreds of people sailing in the same boat, I found you.

My first impression about you was, similar to what I have for majority of the people I first meet; Strange. Sometimes you would smile & have an enjoyable conversation & the other times you would get aloof. I didn’t want any drama in my life that was already on a roller coaster ride, so I decided to stay away from you.

But just like in a scene from some chick flick, I ended up having to travel with you. Here you surprised me! All my initial assumptions disappeared into thin air. I was smitten. I felt like a 15 year old girl who had a long time crush on Justin Beiber & got to finally meet him. You made me laugh-cry; which is like the echelon of laughs in the laughter world. We also had a lot in common.

And so we became friends.

We had a lot of fun talking about all of your crazy adventures with your friends & professors from the times back in college. You were one of the first people I would discuss anything new in my life with. You would do the same with me. We would text constantly & gossip about everything from work to some common friends & bosses. (By the way, this was when I realized, in the right company, even men enjoyed Gossip!) This was during one of the high-points in my life.

Just as I began building sandcastles in the air that we were going to be together forever, the foundation of our friendship slowly started to crumble. Initially, you would “forget” to reply to a text or miss the occasional call till it started to become more frequent.

I guess this is what people talk about when they say, “Time gets in the way & people drift apart.” To them I would say that time doesn’t get in the way, it’s just that people change & sometimes accepting this change gets difficult & so people drift apart. It took a long time for me to understand this.

At that time I always sort of knew, but just never acknowledged the fact, that you weren’t interested in hanging out with me anymore but since you were the one familiar thing I had left in my new world, I would desperately cling on to you like a chewing gum to a boot sole. And as I tried with all my love & energy to stitch back the torn fabric of what we had, you would pull off the threads again & again till the last time we met.

Something in me knew that this day, this particular meet would be our last. We may text each other sporadically afterward but this would be the last day we would ever meet. One thing that gives me consolation now is that we at least smiled at each other when we parted.

Every now & then when I think about the past, I think about you & how, if I could do things differently, would everything have turned out if we were still together. It is quite a futile exercise, I know, but I just can’t help but wonder.

However, the one thing that I quite frequently ponder upon is what would I feel & how would I react if I saw you now? Would I just blatantly ignore you or give you a hug or maybe shake hands as though we were acquaintances? I’m not sure.

If I do see you again, I hope we wouldn’t behave as strangers who know each other & that I would be able to find that part in you that made us friends that day.

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