I hope you can read this wherever you are…

“I would rather have one breath of her Hair, one kiss of her mouth, one touch of her hand than an eternity without it…” – City of Angels

I know this is long overdue & I wish I had an address I could post this to. I couldn’t write this because every time I take your pen in my hand & set the paper on the table, my tears fill the page instead of my words. I know I promised that I would not cry when I think of you but these tears just fall involuntarily (I swear!). So I type in hopes that when I publish this, it would reach the “clouds” where you live (if by chance you’re in hell, I’m sure the angels above would pass on the message – yeah I know bad joke 😛 – I know you secretly loved them ;)).

First of all I want to tell you that I miss you. I miss you when I see two friends laughing and crying at the same time, like we used to. I miss you when I pass your favorite Pizza place. I’ve been going there alone lately & having that Barbecue Chicken Pizza you like so much. I never understood why you like it but after having it once a week, I think I do too. It is even cheesier than the Margherita Pizza. I have packed on a couple of kilos because of this!

I miss you every day.

We were supposed to travel together. We had planned to travel to Goa where you would ride a bike & I would sit behind you. You were going to teach me how to ride that bike. Do you remember all those conversations we had on that almost – to – pieces bike of yours? Those are on a repeat mode in my head since you left.

I meet aunty every few days & she tells me how she is trying to move on & that she misses you. She is doing much better now. She has put on all the weight she lost & started her dance classes once again. “Little Monster” is doing well too. Can you believe that little weirdo who used to follow us everywhere now has a boyfriend! Before you get all worked up, I have already “interviewed” him & he is alright. He does love her a lot & I am keeping an eye on her. She also started that company you helped her plan. We talk often & reminisce those times we used to play Monopoly & Football.

Do you remember Raju & Priya, those two children we met near my place? I still continue to teach them. They miss your jokes a lot. They keep telling me that I need to joke more, just like you did. They still remember how much you loved their mother’s handmade clay toys. They have started making a few and all of them are made for you. I bought all of them as promised.

I keep playing all those times when you gave me your Yeti hugs & stayed up late eating Pizza & talking about respective enemies & our future, over & over again. You never moved an inch after I fell asleep in your arms. Although, you always cursed me in the morning.

Everyone keeps lecturing me to move on & to start a new life with another. I wish they understand that I have moved on, I have accepted that you are not coming back to me.

It’s not like I am not capable of loving another, it’s just that I don’t want to. I’m not scared of getting hurt because you taught me to love no matter what, it’s just that I want to live this life we imagined & worked so hard for.

This life & the future that I envisioned with you was never an illusion. It is a dream that I am determined to live.
The only difference is instead of you, I have our memories.

I replenished all the energy I had typing this. Hopefully the next time (should come soon enough), I would be able to type a longer letter…

I miss you but I love you more. I always will.