“I would rather have one breath of her Hair, one kiss of her mouth, one touch of her hand than an eternity without it…” – City of Angels
I know this is long overdue & I wish I had an address I could post this to. I couldn’t write this because every time I take your pen in my hand & set the paper on the table, my tears fill the page instead of my words. I know I promised that I would not cry when I think of you but these tears just fall involuntarily (I swear!). So I type in hopes that when I publish this, it would reach the “clouds” where you live (if by chance you’re in hell, I’m sure the angels above would pass on the message – yeah I know bad joke 😛 – I know you secretly loved them ;)).
First of all I want to tell you that I miss you. I miss you when I see two friends laughing and crying at the same time, like we used to. I miss you when I pass your favorite Pizza place. I’ve been going there alone lately & having that Barbecue Chicken Pizza you like so much. I never understood why you like it but after having it once a week, I think I do too. It is even cheesier than the Margherita Pizza. I have packed on a couple of kilos because of this!
I miss you every day.
We were supposed to travel together. We had planned to travel to Goa where you would ride a bike & I would sit behind you. You were going to teach me how to ride that bike. Do you remember all those conversations we had on that almost – to – pieces bike of yours? Those are on a repeat mode in my head since you left.
I meet aunty every few days & she tells me how she is trying to move on & that she misses you. She is doing much better now. She has put on all the weight she lost & started her dance classes once again. “Little Monster” is doing well too. Can you believe that little weirdo who used to follow us everywhere now has a boyfriend! Before you get all worked up, I have already “interviewed” him & he is alright. He does love her a lot & I am keeping an eye on her. She also started that company you helped her plan. We talk often & reminisce those times we used to play Monopoly & Football.
Do you remember Raju & Priya, those two children we met near my place? I still continue to teach them. They miss your jokes a lot. They keep telling me that I need to joke more, just like you did. They still remember how much you loved their mother’s handmade clay toys. They have started making a few and all of them are made for you. I bought all of them as promised.
I keep playing all those times when you gave me your Yeti hugs & stayed up late eating Pizza & talking about respective enemies & our future, over & over again. You never moved an inch after I fell asleep in your arms. Although, you always cursed me in the morning.
Everyone keeps lecturing me to move on & to start a new life with another. I wish they understand that I have moved on, I have accepted that you are not coming back to me.
It’s not like I am not capable of loving another, it’s just that I don’t want to. I’m not scared of getting hurt because you taught me to love no matter what, it’s just that I want to live this life we imagined & worked so hard for.
This life & the future that I envisioned with you was never an illusion. It is a dream that I am determined to live.
The only difference is instead of you, I have our memories.
I replenished all the energy I had typing this. Hopefully the next time (should come soon enough), I would be able to type a longer letter…
I miss you but I love you more. I always will.