As I leave…

“Never say goodbye because goodbye means going away and going away means forgetting.” ― J.M. Barrie, Peter Pan

It feels terrible when, for once, you want to have control over a situation but don’t actually.

I know you are meant to stay & work on fulfilling your dreams, but I have to leave. I tried very hard but I just couldn’t stay back.

In my life that resembled a desert you were the Oasis that came in view when I needed you the most, you were the cool breeze that blew on a sunny day, the calm after the sand storm, the cactus that could survive under the harshest of conditions.

Before I leave, I want you to know that you are the best thing that could ever happen to me. You have made me see things about myself that I never even knew I had in me. You listened to the detailed accounts of each of my shitty days. You helped me become a better person.

I want to tell you what you mean to me through the words Sherlock uses in his Best man’s speech, “The point I’m trying to make is that I am the most unpleasant, rude, ignorant and all-round obnoxious arsehole that anyone could possibly have the misfortune to meet. I am dismissive of the virtuous … unaware of the beautiful … and uncomprehending in the face of the happy. So if I didn’t understand I was being asked to be best man, it is because I never expected to be anybody’s best friend. Certainly not the best friend of the bravest and kindest and wisest human being I have ever had the good fortune of knowing.”

I used to be one of the most cynical human beings on this planet but you tweaked me a little.

I had every possible outcome of our last day played out in my mind. And even though I assumed I was mentally prepared for our last day, even though I knew that we would still continue to speak, no pain I have ever experienced in the past could compare to the agony I felt when you gave me that last hug which, by the way, was the best gift I have ever received.

I know that change is the way of life. I know that this good bye would lead to better tomorrows. I know that whether we meet tomorrow or not isn’t of importance but the moments that we spent together are. However for now, you should know that these memories we shared would be my most prized possession.

As I leave, all I can ask of you is to Please, Give me a Reason to stay.

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