“I am two women: One who wants to have all the joy, passion & adventure that life can give me. The other wants to be a slave to routine, to family life, to things that can be planned and achieved. I’m a housewife & a prostitute, both of us living in the same body & doing battle with each other.” – Paulo Coelho, Eleven Minutes.
On the outside, I may seem to be someone who has some of the stuff in life figured out.
But on the inside, every day, every waking minute, I am a walking contradiction.
One part of me wants to adhere to the Social Norms – Study, Work, and Get Married, Get babies, Raise Babies to fully functioning adults, Become Grandparents and Die, just as I have been conditioned to live for & work to get the best of all of that since my childhood. But this other part of me wants to live all of her new and crazy dreams – Travel, Play Adventure Sports, Live in different countries indefinitely and many more.
It is quite baffling for a person, such as me, who has been raised to think & live in a particular way, to do to the right things at the right time and then to suddenly have all of those thoughts challenged & questioned when exposed to the different exhilarating, sometimes soul-crushing and wonderful experiences that life has to offer.
Every decision I take, takes place at a minor war-zone inside of my head where one part tells me what would be the most comfortable & bullet free route to escape through & the other will tell me to just run & risk taking the bullet! Every decision is nerve-wracking.
I guess one day I will be able to find a middle ground where I can walk among the clouds & still have my feet on the ground.
Until then, I’ll plan… to Travel or buy a house or wait… starting a blog looks like something I can do or can I?